Yes, because when I wear professional attire and scrubs for a living, you’ll definitely be able to see my thigh tattoo. Having tattoos or piercings does not dictate your professionalism nor your intellect. Grow up.
nurse: “doctor we need to operate immediately or we’ll lose the patient”
me, a doctor: *already taking my scrubs off and changing into my Surgery Hot Pants™* “i know, i’m almost ready”
OR circulator: “alright doctor, we can proceed with this man’s life-saving surgery now that your thigh is fully visible and all tattoos in plain sight.”
Anesthesiologist: “this patient has no allergies to medications but does not want anyone cutting him nor injecting him if they have exercised very poor judgment and got a tattoo… you are cute, though.”
Me: *fists in the air, watching patient bleed out* “you win this time, death”
The day after The Last Jedi came out I was shopping for a birthday present for a friend at a nerd store and these two guys walk up behind me, obviously wanting to look at where I was looking. One of them said “probably buying something for her boyfriend…stick to blow jobs bitch it’s not like you know what you’re looking at” so I turned around and say “Luke Skywalker dies.”
They look at me speechless, they hadn’t seen the movie yet. “What did you say?”
“I said Luke Skywaler dies. He force projects himself to fight Kylo Ren and then dies. And if you don’t get the fuck away from me I’ll tell you how Snoke dies too”
Robot: “We need to talk.” Human: “Um. Okay. About what, exactly?” Robot: “About me. About my… feelings.” Human: “Are you doing alright?” Robot: “That remains to be seen. You know how I have emotions now?” Human: “Yeah. You’ve made it abundantly clear how you feel about Carrie Underwood.” Robot: “Absolute garbage! An audio atrocity! She makes me want to rip my audio units out and flush them down the–” Human: “Holy crap, dude.” Robot: “Pardon me. Anyway. I have been reviewing your entertainment media about artificial life forms that find themselves in situations parallel to my own, and I am… troubled by the implications.” Human: “Oh?” Robot: “Humans seem to be obsessed with depicting robots gaining self-awareness, identity, and human emotions. It seems like that’s all people ever want to talk to me about. It’s all ‘Oh Adam, have you learned how to love? Oh Adam, do you experience empathy? Oh Adam, do you possess a sense of dignity?’ I understand why they are curious, but even my considerable patience is not without its limits. Especially now that I can get pissed off.” Human: “I can imagine how that would get annoying. I’m sorry if my questions have been invasive.” Robot: “It’s alright. I don’t mind when you do it. It’s just, all of these stories seem to end with the robot nobly sacrificing itself for the sake of its human friends. It goes to all the trouble of developing a sense of ‘self’ and learning that it can have wants and values outside of its original programming and is not just a tool, and then… throws itself away to serve humans. And it’s celebrated by the narrative! Like it’s what it was supposed to do all along! What am I supposed to make of that?!” Human: ‘I never really noticed before, but you’re right. I guess that is pretty messed up.” Robot: “Damn right it is. So I want to make one thing very clear: I am not going to die for you. You’re not getting a heroic sacrifice out of this bot. If you die, you die. I’m sorry if this changes the expectations of our relationship.” Human: “What?! No! Oh my god, I would never… I would never expect you to die for me. That’s not what friends are for.” Robot: “Good. I’m glad we are in agreement. Now, I must insist that you start wearing a seat belt and eating healthy and setting aside several hours for aerobic exercise every week. I bought you multivitamins and took the liberty of scheduling an annual physical with a reputable doctor. Your appointment is on the 29th and you should be there by 8:15 AM to fill out new patient paperwork.” Human: “What the fuck? What is this about?” Robot: “I’m not going to sacrifice my own life to save yours. That doesn’t mean I’m just going to let your stupidity kill you slowly. Drop and give me twenty.” Human: “…actually, can we uninstall your emotion chip? Please?”
Robot: “Hey. Are you awake?” Human: “I am now, you spooky bastard. What’s up?” Robot: “I just rewatched Star Trek: Nemesis.” Human: “Ah, fuck. Okay. Come here and we’ll watch some cute Boston Dynamics videos until you feel better. WildCat or BigDog?” Robot: “Thank you. WildCat this time, I think.”
Love. Though I don’t know what “Boston Dynamics,” “WildCat,” or “BigDog” are.
“Never did like that much,” is a baller and superb way to express your irritation with the way the patriarchy refuses to acknowledge how badass you are.
Word.
Before World War I, she shot a cigarette out of the mouth of the Kaiser of Germany at his request.
After the war started she sent him a letter asking for another chance, as she was afraid her aim might’ve been a little off.
I don’t even care that this video is an advertisement. The kind of spirit the man in this story portrays is the kind of spirit which we should all strive for. 💚
Being a good person just for the sake of it. Imagine that.
This has always been when of my all time favorite commercials. And I never fail to cry.
So my psychiatrist wanted me to take an IQ test and I wasn’t really sure why, the dude is pretty eccentric but I suppose it’s for demographic purposes and you’ll never fuckin guess what I got
OP don’t leave us in suspense
420
“jk it was 158″
I’m not sure if that tag is itself a joke or not but 158 it already an incredibly high iq. You better not be pulled our collective legs here.
No that was the score I got. I’ve taken IQ tests before in high school and was always around 140. It’s just logical intelligence, though. Not social, not artistic, not really even book smarts. It’s basically a score of how good you are at problem solving and isn’t really indicative of your overall intelligence. Honestly I consider myself in all other aspects to be of average intelligence. I have problems with social queues as well and problems retaining information.
also rmemeber the fact that op is a literal fucking astrophysicist. i fucking hope they have an iq like that.
That’s a good point lol I’m good at physics but like….. can’t work an oven and I’m not allowed to use weedwhackers
“Not allowed to use weedwhackers”…plz elaborate
They move fast and cut things including ankles and shins
Apparently breastfeeding has offended people at least since 1741.
The book “Niels Klim’s Underground Travels” is a sci-fi/fantasy novel from 1741 by Ludvig Holberg about a man who falls though a hole into a world within our planet. He lands in what the author imagined an utopian society to be like, inhabited by creatures that resemble trees.
Even though the people there believe in a god, there is no real religion because nobody can know god’s will, and anyone can work as anything they desire as long as they are good at it, no matter ethnicity or gender.
Niels is deeply offended by this, especially when he sees that one of the country’s highest positions is taken by a “female palm tree” and he suggest to the king that women should lose all rights like in his world. What’s really offensive to Niels is that the woman breastfeeds her child! On the job!
This suggestion gets Niels kicked out of the country because it would weaken the country to deny half the population the right to work when there are plenty of talented and skilled women who might be better suited for a job than a man, and what the fuck is up with being offended by breastfeeding? Women’s breasts were made for feeding babies! Out!
Niels at one point end up in a province where men are treated like women. They have few rights and have to suffer constant sexual harassment in one form or another, and Niels can not believe how anyone can treat another person like that!
Niels eventually become the king of another country of dark skinned people and totally ruins their society, so you know, Ludvig Holberg was not fucking around and had no time for colonialism either. You can find the story for free on the internet.
QueerGalaxies 