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redandpointy:

corporationsarepeople:

dinosaurrainbowstarfish:

beachfox:

livebloggingmydescentintomadness:

ffermented-salmonella:

goddessolga:

since1938:

My man Jesus

What story is that?

Matthew 18:9

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

Canon Jesus is so much better than the fanon.

jamiejedi:

wittyandcharming:

sheepy-doodle:

ursulavernon:

bogleech:

ceruleancynic:

mmejack:

wittyandcharming:

THESE PARENT BIRDS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE BIRDY DRAG QUEENS WITH FLAWLESS EYELINER AND THE BABY LOOKS LIKE AN UNFINISHED MUPPET AND I’M DEAD.

These perfectly done up geisha are just so proud of their strange little alien sock puppet.

this picture makes me happy

Every time I see this I think I laugh harder

They really do look so proud

So serious, so dignified as they bask together in the stupid looking lint monster that came out of one of their butts

I love this!

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

YOU MAY NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS POST GETTING NOTES AGAIN