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ao3tagoftheday:

arctrooper-fives:

ao3tagoftheday:

notreallybrave:

ao3tagoftheday:

[Image Description: Tags reading “sometimes it just sorta happens, one minute your bro is letting you check out his dick, the next…whoops”]

The AO3 Tag of the Day is: True

hemingway and fitzgerald

Ok, I actually thought about making that the caption but I thought it’d be too obscure so I’m glad someone else thought it was funny.

op please explain

It is my great delight to share this with you.

Ok. So, one day, when Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Fitzgerald’s wife Zelda are all living in Paris, Fitzgerald goes to Hemingway and says that he has a very serious problem and can they please get lunch together because he needs some advice. Hemingway says ok, and they go get lunch. Eventually, when they’ve made small talk all the way through the meal, Fitzgerald gets to the point. He says:

Zelda said that the way I was built I could never make any woman happy and that was what upset her originally. She said it was a matter of measurements.

Well Hemingway is of course delighted to reassure his friend, so they head to the bathroom so Hemingway can get a look. Whereupon, (and the “I” here is Hemingway):

We came back into the room and sat down at the table.
“You’re perfectly fine,” I said. “You are O.K. There’s nothing wrong with you. You look at yourself from above and you look foreshortened. Go over to the Louvre and look at the people in the statues then go home and look at yourself in the mirror.”
“Those statues may not be accurate.”
“They are pretty good. Most people would settle for them.”

So then, because this story isn’t ridiculous enough already, they actually do go to the Louvre to check out all the statues’ dicks. As one does. Then Hemingway wrote all of this up in his memoir, because he was an asshole.

Moral of the story: respect your friends’ privacy. Also, compare your dick to a statue’s if you’re insecure.