Even if you don’t like Halloween you have to appreciate its position as the sole thing keeping Christmas from advancing even earlier into the year like a cancerous growth
1. A father is having breakfast when he sees his son taking an unfamiliar carton out of the fridge. “What’s that?” He asks. “Soy milk.” Says the kid. Unable to resist, the fater says “Hola Milk, Soy Tu Padre!”
2. An American woman is on a trip to Germany and is trying to have a nice dinner at an outside cafe, but unfortunately she’s there during Oktoberfest, and a man staggers up to the bushes near her table and opens his fly to relieve himself right infront of where she’s sitting. “Oh Gross!” She shrieks. “Danke!” Says the man.
A Spanish cat-owner passes a French cake shop, and freaks out.
most tumblr jokes are utterly embarassing to say in public but today i said to someone “bold of you to assume i have dignity” and i won’t lie it was the most powerful I’ve felt in years
I was in the car with my family and my mom was talking about how much time she thinks “our generation wastes on the internet” or whatever. And I was explaining how I use the internet to read and curate more interests and hobbies and expand my social horizons etc. and she was just like “Well fine if that’s how you want to live. You can waste all your time on the internet if that’s what you want but I beg to differ” and without thinking I just said “then beg.” and the entire car went silent until we got home. it was the biggest power move i have ever made to date
Because most people never see farm animals being their most natural selves, people tend to think of them as almost inert. When any animal other than a dog is playful or affectionate, people say, “That cow (or pig, etc.) ‘thinks he’s a dog,’ or is ‘acting like a dog’” The reality is, most farm animals naturally romp, play, nuzzle, think, have best friends and show affection.
QueerGalaxies 