People who are genuinely happy in their
relationships usually don’t post about it
on social media. Studies show that
someone who’s always gushing about
their partner on Facebook is tied to how
insecure they are in their relationship –
while those who are more secure spend
time enjoying their relationships instead
of trying to convince other people (and
themselves) how happy they are. Source Source 2 Source 3
me gazing out into the ocean: sure is some scary soup
The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS
1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home.
2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn’t talk about it again.
3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized “wait it’s dark as fuck” so I just held still until the guy gave up and left.
4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl’s underwear a day later and I never saw him again
5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver’s side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out
6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he’d locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him “you know that sounds super suspicious right” and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead
7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn’t follow me onboard
8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again.
9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me ‘piñata’ and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals
10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks
11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped
12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home
13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play ‘bloody mary’ in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said “no thanks” and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead.
14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of… locked up forever and never go near
15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360º spin with nobody touching it, so I said ‘that was neat’ and never ate there again
16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I’d ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn’t even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds
Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking
I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say “no thanks” to everything else
How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?
‘Tis the fuckin’ season, friends!! Get out there and live your worst life!!
What the fuck is happening
Why don’t you grab a can of ravioli and ask!
how about I just whip a can of Mountain Dew as high into the air as I can and read the splash patterns when it busts open on the road?
I have until a car drives over it and makes tire tracks in the dew to get a good reading, and somehow the busy streets seem to be more accurate at this form of divination.
This is what I’m talking about!
“HI”
Photo by
“OHS NOES THE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN! LOLS!” -Me as a fox
you: *eats 100 ears of corn in two hours* I am the corn king! I cannot be outcorned
me: *eats 101 ears of corn in ten minutes* just another day in the corn fields
what?
I don’t know. i woke up at 6am, wrote this, and went back to sleep
hope youre okay
fred and george weasley on the top floor in hogwarts trying to get slinkies all the way down by predicting the pattern the stairs are gonna shift in
they actually figure it out, they calculate the exact pattern, and start distributing it
suddenly, students are barely ever late to classes any more and there are significantly fewer incidents of getting lost around the castle
everything goes wonderfully for a week, all the professors are baffled but pleased
until the end of the week when the true purpose for the pattern’s distribution becomes clear. schoolwide slinky race. a thousand conjured slinkies all let loose at the same time. the rustling of the swarm of springs echoes through the halls of hogwarts. the house elves refer to the dreaded Slinky Sunday for centuries
the trans community has a problem with using the same names over and over again and we now have a shortage of basic trans names!
there are only:
- 2 Kai’s left in stock
- 6 Oliver’s left in stock (save resources by choosing Oli instead)
- 1 Aidan left in stock. All future trans boys wanting this name will have to take turns.
WARNING
there will not be a restock. it’s time to start picking normal names
QueerGalaxies 