The firmer you grasp the fish, the more complete your understanding of sea life will become. Underwater labcoat completely necessary for this step, unlike breathing apparatuses like a snorkel or a regulator. Real marine biologists grow gills upon getting their diploma.
As a veterinarian, I regularly administer medications to five-week-old kittens out of a sixty-milliliter catheter-tipped syringe, because a.) the catheter tip is literally too big to fit into their mouth and b.) it makes complete sense to give an animal an amount of oral medication that is at least twice its blood volume, just by roughly eyeballing the syringe. Run for your life, kitty. #BadStockPhotosOfMyJob
Imagine thinking your spouse is a sexy secret agent for decades only to find out he’s a restaurant critic for fat tire boy magazine
Better yet imagine a real spy getting in trouble and mistaking a restaurant critic for a fellow agent. But the critic takes their job very seriously and won’t reveal themselves and so gets pulled into some kind of huge dangerous conspiracy whilst continuing to take notes on the quality of every restaurant they almost get shot in.
sweden deporting an openly gay football player to uganda after years of persecution from ugandan press and authorities and who will absolutely be murdered on the spot just like his ex… bc his story was “too vague and not believable”
there’s a price on his head. he’s openly gay. his boyfriend comes to all his matches and practices. his ex boyfriend is DEAD bc they got outed.
fuck migrationsverket. support Partick Mulyanti.
tw: homophobia, suicide
please take a moment to sign the petition letting Patrick Mulyanti stay or keep him in your thoughts. He’s considering taking his own life if he gets sent back to Uganda.
Something similar happened in Austria. I think the guy was from Afghanistan (?) and he’s getting deported because “he doesn’t look gay and therefore has nothing to fear in Afghanistan”
This isn’t even ignorance anymore
In austria they didn’t believe he was gay….cause he didn’t look or act feminine and talked ,,normal"
This is fucking outrageous. Those ppl have no idea what it means to be hunted down….maybe someone should teach them
I love hanging out with baby boomers my mom was driving and we passed a “road work ahead” sign and obviously i have no self control so now she thinks I’m the funniest person she knows
heres the realest shit ever: literally no one is going to pressure you to do drugs in high school
literally no one
an encounter i had in 10th grade in a bathroom
person: hey we’re about to smoke some pot do you want some?
me: nah i got a test in like 20 minutes i just have to pee
person: alright good luck
actual highschool party I’ve been to
person: I brought beer!
people: aaaaaaa yyyyeeeaaahhh
person: want some?!?!
Me: no I don’t drink
person: GOOD MORE FOR US HERE’S SOME SODA
On the bus: Dude: Do you want a cigarette? Me: Dude I’m asthmatic. I’d die. Dude: Okay, cool, cool.
6th period math:
friend: hey, you want a weed brownie?
me: nah I’m good.
friend: cool.
Lunch
Some girl: You guys wanna smoke weed in the stairwell??
Us: not really
Girl: Okay friends, if you want any later my name’s Zoey, i always sit here
Guy: do you want a cigarette?
Me: I don’t smoke
Guy: good, don’t start
(that happened on multiple occasions with different people)
Seriously I was pressured into reading the Twilight books 1000x more than any drugs or alcohol
The last one
Adults would rather believe drugs are caused by peer pressuring teens rather than horrible situations developing kids are put into that drive them to seek out any sort of relief they can find. They don’t want to believe that they themselves are driving kids to do drugs.
Want teens to do less drugs? Provide accessible and cheap (or free) mental health support, get kids out of abusive situations, and use education rather than fear mongering when trying to deter teens.
This is more of a personal opinion, but I think legalizing weed would significantly reduce the use of harder, more dangerous drugs.
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________ And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
oh my god these are great
fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
QueerGalaxies 